How I write as a full-time mom of eight

As far as excuses for not writing go, I have a great one.  I’m a mom to eight children, ages 5-17.  I hear the word “Mom” (or Brah, depending on whether one of my teenagers is talking to me) roughly 8, 789, 500 kajillion times a day.  A fight always needs to be broken up.  A tear constantly requires drying.  Permission for something is never not being asked.

And the laundry.

Don’t get me started on the laundry, or I might cry.

When you have eight kids, trying to do absolutely anything in addition to raising them is a feat. That’s what you signed up for, you might be saying, and you’d be right.  That’s why, for a very long time, I didn’t do much else besides herd young people. Writing certainly wasn’t a priority. 

And you know what?

That’s the way it should have been.

There was a time just after we adopted five children, when I had six kids in three different schools and two little ones at home, when I had complete tunnel vision for my kids. Hobbies and past times and aspiring writing careers were luxuries I simply didn’t have time for—the kids were it. They were the gig, the mission. The absolute privilege.

And they still are.

But seasons change, don’t they?

Children grew and became more independent, and I started to find myself with a little me-time on my hands. It wasn’t much—small pockets here and there—but it was something.  And then it happened, as it always does.

The old itch came back.

If you’re a writer, you know exactly what I’m talking about. That drive, that compulsion, that irresistible nagging to put pen to paper and create. It hardly feels like a choice, but more like a hand on your back pressing you always towards the writing desk.  It’s hardly ever convenient.  It certainly doesn’t care about children or sleep. It’s a siren, that call to write, and if you ignore it for too long you’ll become, as Franz Kafka said, “a monster courting insanity.”

But how? How do you write when you’re a full-time parent? 

I’ll share with you three tips for how I do it, but I warn you: it’s a simplistic list. There are no magic formulas.  There is no new way to do the job.  There is simply the work and the question: are you ready to write, or not?

1.The right write season.

 As I’ve made pretty clear, motherhood shouldered it’s way into my life and left little room for anything else.  For a time. But that time started to evolve and change. The day finally came when my two youngest girls entered school full-time, and let me tell you, the second half of my life began. I had a part-time job as a substitute teacher, but for the most part, I suddenly had these huge chunks of free time during school hours.  It was a new chapter for me. For the first time in years, I could focus on writing the way I would any job. 

What I’m saying is, there’s a time for everything.  Before you start writing in earnest, ask yourself: is this my writing season?  If you’re knee deep in diapers and school plays (or college courses or nine-to-fives or anything else that life may be consuming you with), the answer may be no.  That doesn’t mean you can’t write here and there, or even a little every day, but be realistic about your availability. 

The time to write will come.

2. Say no to other things. 

Maybe it is your time to write. Maybe it is your season, and if so, big high-five. But make no mistake, my friend. There will still be obstacles. 

While writing is a job like any other job, it’s also very much not like any other job. Unless you are a professional with a publisher and deadlines and paychecks coming in, nobody is going to make you do this.  You are your own boss, which is great, unless you happen to be the kind of boss who runs a real loose ship (hi, I am that boss).

In short, you’re going to have to learn to say no.

No to hanging out with friends.

No to binge-watching that new show on Netflix.

No to taking a three-hour power nap (hi again. Guilty).

It’s a brutal little word, but if you learn how to wield it it will become your best writing partner. 

3. Remain flexible.

As I type these words, I am holed up in two of my daughters powder pink bedroom. Star twinkle lights blink all around me, and an army of stuffed animals watch my every move. Children are coming in and out at will, and I can hear the TV blaring downstairs.

It is not an ideal setup.

But it’s a holiday and my whole family is home, so—I get in where I fit in.  This is perhaps one of the most important attributes of being a writer in the midst of a busy life: remaining flexible. Circumstances will rarely converge to create the perfect writing atmosphere. Forget dreamy book-lined rooms with widows overlooking the ocean. Forget vacations where you can devote whole weeks of time to finishing your novel.  This isn’t a movie scene. Learn to let go of perfection and adapt to what you’ve got to work with.  Do this multiple times a day if you need to.

Just. Get. It. Written.

So that’s it my lovelies, that’s my list. It is by no means exhaustive or written in stone somewhere, so please, feel free to add your own helpful tips in the comments below!